According to Facebook, Mother's day was a busy, fun filled day of gifts and dinners for many. But for some unfortunate mothers, it was a private day ignored by the general public.
Anna White, 38, was one of the important recognized mothers this past Sunday, as her Facebook collage was filled with pictures of flowers, home made cards, and a gorgeous dinner cooked by her loving husband. Says Anna, "My husband was actually away visiting his girlfriend, so I decided to buy myself some flowers, drink 2 bottles of wine, make myself some sentimental cards from my kids (who were playing minecraft in the basement all day), and BBQ myself a steak."
She then proceeded to heavily filter a few pictures of her hard work, add in a few older pictures of her husband giving her a piggy back ride and one where they are actually smiling at each other, and post a collage on her page, to make sure her closest 496 friends could see how important and happy she isn't.
Max Nealson, 46 reported that he "...actually tried this year to make my wife feel special. I bought her a gift certificate to her favourite boutique and had all of the children dress up and present her with their home-made mother's day gifts." Sadly, he continues with, "She was so busy taking selfies with us in the background that she never even opened her gifts. She spent the rest of the afternoon creating collages for her Social Media accounts, and didn't even notice that we'd all gone to bed hours ago."
Nealson reported that the marriage came to an end later that night when his stinking-drunk wife stumbled into the room demanding sex. "I complied of course, I mean, I'm not about to turn her down just because I dream about her car brakes being faulty at the exact right moment. But when I was blinded by the flash of her phone as I was banging her from behind...I knew she was only in it for the Facebook collage."
The women who did not post 8+ pictures of their Mother's Day celebrations are all assumed missing, dead, or unloved by themselves and their families.
Local Hockey Mom *Luanne Smythe exhibited an obvious need for sexual healing on the weekend when she lost her composure at her pre-teen son's hockey game.
Sources say Ms. Smythe arrived at the sporting event visibly uptight, with her hair pulled back in a severe bun and freshly spouted cold sores on her upper lip.
She managed to bluff a calm and collected demeanour throughout the first period, occasionally taking breaks to text her boyfriend and re-fill her travel mug. Things changed, however, four minutes into the second period when her son was benched by his coach for an undisclosed, yet minor incident.
Smythe was reportedly witnessed pulling individual strands of hair out of her head while ferociously but silently moving her lips as she glared at her son's coach.
"We could all tell she was about to blow," states a fellow hockey parent (who wishes to remain anonymous).
The crowd's attention was quickly shifted from the hockey game to Ms. Smythe when the highly agitated and obviously sexually frustrated hockey mom started frothing at the mouth and clawing at the glass behind the team's hockey bench, to her son's dismay.
One witness said, "This has happened before with her, it's really embarrassing for everyone, especially the kids. Every time she snaps we all think the same thing: 'This woman needs to get laid.'"
The hot mess then ran over the the edge of the bleachers, hopped on the banister and started aggressively riding down it whilst shouting, "Where do we draw the line, people??!!!"
Security was called after Ms. Smythe erupted into an obnoxious curse-laden rage directed towards her son's coach. She was then seen being forcibly removed from the arena and placed into a "cooling room" by two struggling officers.
The Minor Sports Association confirmed that beginning next hockey season, Ms. Smythe will be banned from the local arena for 30 days due to the incident.
*Names have been changed to protect identities