In the wake of the horrific chemical attack upon Syrian residents and resulting American strike of 59 Tomahawk cruise missiles at Al Shayrat airfield in western Syria, Saskatchewan communities are reeling.
Local resident *Darwin Yang says, "As terrorist attacks were continuing across the Middle East and Europe, nuclear threats from North Korea were re-emerging, and oil prices rising alarmingly...I found myself distracted and apprehensive in my daily life."
Yang says the humiliating dilemma all started off on Monday afternoon when he stopped to fuel up before an evening of target shooting and small game hunting. After replacing the nozzle back in the pump, he piped off down the highway while enjoying his favorite Phil Collins re-mix and felt something was amiss. When the realization hit him, Yang slapped his forehead and promptly hit the brakes. "I left my goddamn tire at the card lock... I've never done something this reckless before. I just can't think straight lately, Trump is sending me a lot of mixed signals. If the Korean peninsula gets stormed by U.S. ships... I'm gonna turn this rifle on myself."
At time of reporting, Yang was spotted at a local refreshment establishment handing out flyers for his newly formed WW3 preparation group "Individuals Standing In Solidarity" (currently placed under a gag order administered by the RM of Oakdale due to naming conflicts).