A group of local whitetail deer were overheard complaining about the lack of challenging hunters in the area.
Doe Hopstien was said to be standing in a field last Tuesday when she heard a ruckus approximately 400 meters to the northwest. When she looked over to investigate, two local hunters in expensive looking XXL camo gear stopped their snowball fight, ducked behind a bush and started giggling.
“I remember rolling my eyes as I prepared to act totally oblivious to them. It’s getting harder and harder to pretend though. One of them was chain smoking and the other kept taking calls from his wife,” says Doe. She eventually just waved her hoof at them, then left to go find her friends.
Buck Longpoint remembers two weeks ago when he stood and watched a man carefully scotch tape twigs and leaves to his coat and hat, then stood in plain view pretending to be a tree. “I actually felt bad for this guy, he was waving his arms in the air to mimic branches swaying in the wind. I noticed that he left his gun in his truck, which was parked about 15 feet away. So I thought, ‘What the hell, why not have some fun with this one?’”.
Buck says he walked up to the costumed hunter and started sniffing his clothes to feign interest. “He didn’t have one weapon on him. Like, what was he going to do…tackle me to the ground and strangle me to death? I’m an eight point Buck for Christ’s sake. This guy looked like he hadn’t seen the inside of a gym since Law & Order premiered."
Once Buck realized how pathetic the situation was, he turned around, farted in the hunters face and left.
Buck says that in order to generate some income, him and his buddies have agreed to pose dead for hunters to take pictures with them for their instagram accounts (deer slang refers to these ones as “Glam Hunters”).
Doe and Buck were last reported seen taking dumps in hunting blinds.