Pictured left: Total Wash-Up 'Don Peabody'. Pictured Right: Mr. Popularity 'Max Shaftsman'
"We can't believe we thought he was Shaftsman!" Say glamorous GMC Sierra occupants.
In a sad case of mistaken identity, local riffraff *Don Peabody, 38 was temporarily wrongfully respected after being confused with someone much more successful and popular.
Peabody [who resides in a one bedroom apartment with a family of New Canadians] stated that, “Normally I live my life one terrible day at a time; fending off barking dogs, being hissed at by women, getting unfriended on Facebook….basically dealing with the everyday reality of someone like me.”
Everything changed however, when one day last week Peabody was mistaken for local hotshot *Max Shaftsman. Peabody reports that he was dragging his feet along the sidewalk outside of Pharmasave as per usual, when someone randomly and surprisingly gave him a high five. Peabody explained, “…that’s never happened to me before. Usually people just hand me their garbage.”
Peabody went along with his day visibly uplifted from the high five, and even went to the Town Library to revise his resume on a computer.
The next day Peabody was picking up empties along the side of Highway #21 when a white 2011 GMC Sierra pulled up beside him, rolled down the window and revealed two clean-cut chaps sporting Oakleys and collared t-shirts. The passenger warmly exclaimed to Peabody, “Hey Sugarballs! Whaddya doin’ out here?!”.
Peabody says he will never forget what happened next. “I turned to face these two obvious top-dogs to answer them, and they both started laughing at me.”
The fashionable driver then exclaimed, “..oh shoot, we thought you were Shafty!”. The glamorous pair then continued their insulting guffaws, expressing disbelief over mistaking the nincompoop for their valiant friend, Max Shaftsman (who is widely known for his Playboy Mansion-style parties and sexual adoration throughout town).
“Apparently this Shaftsman guy and I look a bit alike….I really thought for awhile there that things were turning around for me,” expressed Peabody. “But…I guess I’m destined to a life of living behind the scenes."
Peabody was last reported seen at the local Peavey Mart purchasing binoculars and Safflower oil.
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